Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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