she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Boobs are out for the taking
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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