In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
