apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
