one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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