Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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