You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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