My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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