He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
