obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
