What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
