I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
