My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
