summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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