I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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