somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
