Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
