My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
