so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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