love makes seman taste better
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
