He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
