Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
