dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
