I heard we made out
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
