This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
