38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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