K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize