He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
