They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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