I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
