if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He better not be in your backpack
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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