so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
