so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
