I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
