I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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