Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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