It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
