my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
