i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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