Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Panties = found
Randomize
