well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
