well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
