How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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