I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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