Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
