Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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