Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
