she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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