Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
