Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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