So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
