It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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