from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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