turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My feet surprised me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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