Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
