I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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