Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
