i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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