My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
