he thought i was a dude.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I understand Curling. That high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize