update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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