here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
