i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
