I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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