When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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