do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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