I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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